Make It Last Forever
by theunluckybreak
Summary: The hard relationship and love between Yassen and Alex and how Alex keeps fighting it. SLASH.


**Make it last forever**

Pairing: Alex/Yassen  
>Summary: The hard relationship and love between Yassen and Alex and how Alex keeps fighting it.<br>Warning: SLASH. Oh there's seeexx ahead, so back the fuck off if you can't take it. Alex is seventeen, relax.  
>Disclaimer: I do sadly not own Alex Rider. It belongs to the genius Anthony Horowitz.<br>A/N: Yeah. Been having a small writers block, but then finally came through with this one. I just needed to write this. Hope you love it.

* * *

><p>Alex Rider's doing the dishes because he promised Jack she'd be able to go out with that cute guy she met a few weeks ago. He doesn't mind, he finds it very calming. It slows everything down, to for once be doing something normal like dishing.<br>He knows he should have noticed it before it happens, he should have heard someone else was there. He should have felt it, but he didn't. He stands unguarded with his back against the room, against all entrances. He should be more careful than that.

"Alex."

That's what happens, that's what makes the air freeze and the world stop moving. He knows that voice far too well.  
>He knows a sharp knife is lying somewhere in the dirty dishwater. Should he try and find it? Does he have time for it? Will it be noticed?<p>

"Don't do it", the male voice says.

Alex takes a deep breath before turning around. He never gets any rest, nothing ever stops. Something or someone is always after him.

"Yassen", he says and thinks it's probably the most dangerous word anyone could say. It's the most dangerous word to ever exist.

"Surprised to see me?" the Russian assassin asks and stands tall and secure a few metres away.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asks and ignores the question. The Russian wants to play, but Alex is definitely not up for it. Not today on his free day.

"I'm here to see you of course", Yassen says and pretends he doesn't hear the bitterness or the annoyance in Alex's voice.

They stand in silence, staring at each other. Perhaps Yassen is waiting for Alex to make a move, or maybe he just loves to watch him sweat under the stare of his blue eyes.

Alex isn't scared. He knows he should be, but he isn't. His stare is just as steady as Yassen's is. His cold stare meeting the Russian's slightly softer one says everything, says exactly how they both feel about each other.

Yassen takes a few steps closer, but Alex doesn't want that. He wants him to stay back, stay away. He can't deal with this right now. Yassen can probably read his body language, but chooses to ignore it. He gets closer until he's right in front of Alex, his hand on Alex's cheek. It lingers for a short moment before Alex pushes him away, making Yassen bump into the counter behind him.  
>Alex's hand is firm on his chest, holding him back. Threateningly. His eyes are dark and his stare hard. But the Russian isn't intimidated by it. Nothing scares him.<p>

"You know I can kill you", Alex says, voice rough but calm. He doesn't want Yassen to think he's getting to him or anything.

Yassen doesn't think this is funny, he rarely thinks anything is funny. He doesn't smile and taunt Alex, he never does. He's just as expressionless as always. He knows Alex can kill him. Yassen would win a fight, he's still better than the seventeen year old. But Alex knows a few tricks and he is very well able to kill him. Alex is still young and has much left to learn, but he's far more better than any of the MI6 agents. He's probably their best.

Alex lowers his hand and turns back to the dishes, trusting Yassen will get it now and stay back. He leans over the sink and he looks troubled. It seems like he's going to be sick.  
>Yassen doesn't care that Alex needs space, he quickly closes in on him from behind, burying his nose in the teenagers neck. Alex's hands move, goes for the dirty dishwater, but Yassen grips them tightly and stops them from getting the knife.<p>

Yassen holds his hands down by his sides, nose still buried where hair meets neck. Alex breathes heavily, getting angrier. They stand completely still, like statues, like they were meant to stand like this forever.

Alex wonders what Jack would think if she saw them. She doesn't know. She doesn't know anything nowadays, Alex never tells her about his work or anything else he does.

"You shouldn't be here. Not now, not today", Alex says between his heavy breaths, still trying to calm down.

"You'd prefer I swung by your school tomorrow instead?"

Alex takes it a threat, that this situation could be much worse. He knows Yassen would definitely stop by his school, make him get into his car and drive off while everyone at the Brookland School would stop and wonder.

"The MI6 will notice you."

"The MI6 doesn't scare me."

The assassin moves, presses a kiss on Alex's neck, and then lets one of Alex's hands go so he can reach down into his own pocket and get something up. Yassen holds it in front of Alex's face, and the teenager recognizes it as his phone. He lost it a few days ago at a football game. He turns around to face Yassen, chest now pressed against chest. The phone's still resting firmly in Yassen's hand.

"Where did you get that?" he asks, his eyes shifting down to the phone quickly.

"I found it at a football game I went to."

"You took my phone?" Alex asks, staring into Yassen's eyes, daring him to lie.

"Yes."

Alex snatches it from Yassen's hand and gets himself free from Yassen's grip, shoving him away once again. Getting much needed space.  
>He opens his phone and checks it through. Some things are missing on it and he knows Yassen has copied some of the numbers. It's not good and the MI6 are definitely going to give him hell for it.<p>

"Why did you take mine?" Alex wonders and looks over at Yassen, wondering if the Russian thought it easier to fool him and steal his phone than any of the other agents.

"Because it gave me a reason to see you."

Alex doesn't believe him.  
>He'll have to deal with this later, contact the MI6 so they can change the numbers again. They'll be asking a lot of questions and he needs to come up with good answers. Maybe the MI6 already knows about them and have just decided to let it be for now and see where it all goes. Maybe they are just using Alex, hoping to get information from Yassen through him, hoping to be able to catch him in a trap. Yassen already knows all these possibilities and doesn't seem to care. He's probably smarter than the MI6 anyway.<p>

Alex really doesn't want him there, in his home, so up close and personal. This was Ian Rider's home, it's his house and will forever be, and the thought of his murderer standing in his kitchen like this. It almost makes Alex lose his control.

"I'm going to Libya", the voice lacking any accent at all says.

The teenager already understands what Yassen will do there, who he'll work for, and he hopes he won't get any details about it.

"Tomorrow", Yassen continues when Alex doesn't ask him when he's leaving.

Alex is still holding on hard to his phone and decides to let it slip into his pocket. He believes Yassen won't try to steal it again now when he has just given it back.

"I know", Alex says, not because he cares, but because he wants to let Yassen know he can keep track on him too.

Yassen knows this is his free day, knows this is his first day back from his mission. Alex wants calm, wants peace, the last thing he wanted was Yassen showing up.  
>They are quiet again, but their silence is never uncomfortable or awkward. The silence fits them. Alex leans against the kitchen counter, staring down at the floor, finding it more fascinating than staring at Yassen.<p>

The assassin moves again, quickly, without any sound. His hands are suddenly on Alex's arms, foreheads resting against each other. He doesn't hesitate before leaning forward and capturing the teenager's lips. Yassen never hesitates about anything.

The kiss is soft at first and Alex wonders if that was it, if that was the only thing needed. But Yassen leans in further, deepening the kiss, and it feels like Alex is losing his mind. Yassen caresses his cheek, keeping him firmly in place, pinned against the counter. His arm around Yassen's waist pulls Yassen closer, and he's now kissing back.

It's not soft and slow any more, it has grown much rougher. Yassen's pushing against Alex so much he's forced to jump up on the counter with Yassen immediately fitting in between his legs. The Russian places one hand on Alex's thigh and the other grips Alex's soft blonde locks as his tongue delves deeper into the teenager's mouth.  
>Alex tries to keep up the same pace as Yassen. It's still hard even though he's had years of practice by now. Their lips fit perfectly together, but the assassin kiss with such force and such control, and it's hard to respond to that kind of perfection. But Alex isn't some virgin schoolboy anymore, he's far from that, and he's well on his way to be just as a good kisser as Yassen is.<p>

Yassen's hand travel up under Alex's shirt, fingers playing over his stomach, stroking with a softness that isn't usual for Yassen, isn't usual for any assassin. Alex groans very lightly, the fingers tickling him slightly, and also because he knows where this is going and he has to stop it before it gets too far.  
>He pulls away from Yassen, his lips now swollen, but the Russian's lips doesn't show any signs of being kissed. He places a hand over the one under his shirt, grips it harshly so Yassen will understand he's being serious.<p>

"Jack will be home at any moment", Alex says, marking this as the end of this, telling Yassen he needs to go.

"No she won't", Yassen says and leans forward for another kiss, but Alex leans away.

"What do you mean?" he asks seriously, brown eyes boring into blue. It doesn't sound good coming from Yassen.

"I'm pretty sure she'll stay with that man tonight", Yassen says cryptically and Alex doesn't like it.

He doesn't like it when Yassen knows something he doesn't, when he's proving Alex he's smarter than him. It makes Alex feel weak and powerless. He stares Yassen intensely in the eyes, his hand moving from Yassen's hand to his arm, and pushes the hand out from under his shirt with a strong force.

Yassen notices the change in Alex's mood and knows he should back off. But he doesn't. He leans over Alex with both hands resting on either side of Alex on the cupboard, eliminating all ways to escape.  
>Alex glares as Yassen is standing tall, his lips mere millimetres from Alex's.<p>

The teenager pushes at Yassen, yet another time, shoves him away and jumps down from the cupboard. He wants to walk over to the sink and find the sharp knife in the dirty dishwater. He wants to do it, but he doesn't.

"You should leave", he says instead.

He doesn't want him here, in this house, like this. He doesn't want _them together like this _in this house. Yassen's face is expressionless, as usual, it's impossible to read if he's hurt or angry. It's not very usual someone acts like this towards him. Not many tells him off like this. But Alex does, Alex can.

"Sure", he says, voice hollow. A small hint of a bitter smile on his lips, but it's barely noticeable. Maybe Alex just imagines it.

Yassen leaves without saying goodbye, without leaving any signs that he had even been there in the first place. And Alex wonders when he'll see him the next time.

* * *

><p>Alex runs as fast as he can, knows everything is depending on him right now. He heard the warning, knows what's about to happen. The sand on the ground whirls around his feet in thick clouds. The sand makes him slower, but he struggles and hopes he'll make it anyway.<p>

He can see the house now, there's still time, he can make it. He gets more power when he sees the house and gets the speed up again. He's about twenty metres away from the house when it explodes. Alex stops and stares at the flames, knows no one would have survived that. He had been too slow.  
>He wonders for a short moment if maybe he should run into the house anyway and look for survivors.<p>

The teenager has just made up his mind and is about to run inside when he turns his head slightly to the left and sees Yassen. The Russian is coming towards him, eyes set on him. He's not surprised Alex is there, in the middle of the Sahara desert, he's not surprised Alex _knows. _

Alex's eyes are dead, cold, as he unsafety the gun he stole earlier. He raises it, hand steady, and points it at Yassen. They have been here before. Like this. Alex with a gun in his hand, pointing it at Yassen. The assassin doesn't stop, isn't scared, and Alex wants so badly to shoot. He gets closer and Alex knows he should stop him, should kill him, end him, and end all destruction he brings. All the deaths.

Yassen pushes his arm away and embraces him. Alex slowly lowers the gun, feeling empty inside. Yassen's right arm is around Alex's waist, pushing Alex close into him, and his left hand is still holding on to Alex's arm, the fingers now moving slowly down towards his hand and the gun. Yassen knows it isn't safe yet, not until Alex has let go of the gun. His hand closes over the teenager's. The Russian's hand is stronger and he slowly eases Alex's fingers off the gun, taking the gun and dropping it in the sand.

Yassen hugs him closer, now standing with his back to the fire. Alex looks over Yassen's shoulder, his nose pressed against it, taking Yassen's scent in. He stares at the flames, feels the warmth coming from them. His eyes tears up, not because he's sad, but because of the humiliation of not being able to kill Yassen.

They take Yassen's flight back. A private plane. Alex should have insisted on going alone, but right now he just doesn't care. He's tired and he wants to go home. He can feel Yassen's eyes on him during the flight back. They sit opposite to each other. Alex stares out the window during the most part, trying to ignore Yassen.

He hadn't been far from dying today. It's not like it's the first time, he's been on the verge of death a lot of times before. He's almost used to it by now, he's well on his way. He wants to care more, but finds it hard. He won't be surprised if Yassen already is used by it. Maybe he doesn't care whether he lives or dies. Maybe that's what it takes to be able to cope with their professions.

They're trapped on the plane together for eleven hours. Eleven painfully slow hours. Alex wonders briefly if this could all be a trap. Is it really wise to trust Yassen and get onto a plane with him? Especially now when he's a bit weak after a few injuries. What if Yassen is hired by one of Alex's many enemies, hired to kidnap him. It would be the perfect plan to use Yassen and trick Alex to follow him to wherever he's needed.

Alex had gotten stabbed in the stomach. The knife wasn't very sharp or wide, and it didn't penetrate very far in. A soldier he met had patched him up as much as he could. Alex has almost forgotten about the wound until he leans forward in his seat and feels immense pain shoot from the wound out in his body. Alex doesn't make any sound that indicates he's in pain, but Yassen notices it anyway. He can read his body language that easily.

"Are you hurt?" he asks, and there seems to be a bit of a worry in his voice.

Alex puts a hand on his stomach and Yassen is immediately by his side, slowly pushing the t-shirt up to reveal Alex's stomach. The teenager flinches back, obviously not trusting Yassen enough.

"Trust me", Yassen says, doesn't ask.

He rips the badge of carefully and reveals a wound that's still bleeding.

"That needs to be stitched up", Yassen says and disappears inside cockpit.

He's got a small kit with him when he gets back. Alex's seat is slightly lowered and the wound is cleaned.

"We have nothing to numb the pain with so this will hurt a bit", Yassen warns and then pushes the needle into Alex's flesh.

And it does hurt, very much so. Alex's holds his breath and his fingers clench around the armrests. He takes short breaths and holds it. His eyes are shut and he tries to block out the pain. Yassen finishes it and places a new patch on the wound. Alex breathes out heavily, the pain still unbearable.

"It'll take a while before it gets better", Yassen says and sits back down in his seat.

He dries his hands on a napkin. The spy's blood paints it red.

"You should try and rest", Yassen says, but Alex barely hears him. He feels nauseous and dizzy. His sight is blurry and he wonders if he's been drugged or something.

"Sleep", Yassen demands and Alex does that, without hesitation.

* * *

><p>It has been almost four months since Alex last saw Yassen. He hasn't heard from him. No phone calls, no messages, nothing. It has never been this long, Yassen always leaves some kind of message. Alex isn't worried or anything. Why would he be? It's not like he cares, it's not like it matters if Yassen is alive or not.<p>

It's a typical rainy day in London and no matter how hard Alex tries he can't focus on the teacher talking in class. He's discussing 'How to kill a mocking bird', the book every English teacher makes you read. Alex's not listening. He's staring out the window, watching the grey world outside, then focusing on the droplets on the window.

He thinks back on the last time he saw Yassen, at Heathrow after Sahara. Alex can't remember Yassen acting strange, he had acted like he always does. Alex could never have read it if something was up. It isn't like that, he isn't supposed to be able to read Yassen. No one is supposed to be able to read him. Yassen has made it impossible for anyone to do it.

Alex has only been back for a few days after his last mission in Ireland. He's got big bruises underneath his clothes from the torture he had been put through, his face had started healing and most of the bruises were covered up with make-up.  
>Alex had been captured and tortured for information, not only about MI6 and his mission, but also his relationship with Yassen. People have started to notice. They have been discreet, but it was bound to happen sometime. But the thing is that Alex and Yassen put together makes a lot of people nervous. They are both known to be the best in their professions, the two of them put together would be dangerous. But it's not like that would ever happen, Alex would never work with Yassen. They are on different sides and will forever be.<p>

Sabina is in town and they have decided to meet up later, have some coffee or something. They had been a couple, a few years ago, and he actually lost his virginity to her. But it ended after Alex didn't have any power left to resist Yassen, couldn't stay away from him. He showed up everywhere on Alex's missions, and he just couldn't take it anymore. Alex doesn't count it as cheating on Sabina because the bond he has with Yassen is much deeper than the one he had with her. He can't explain it, it's like he and Yassen live in their own world and they understand each other perfectly even without speaking. It's like they belong together, are meant for each other. And they have history, really messed up history, things that you would normally have to see a psychiatrist for.

It's not normal to be dating a murderer. It's not normal to be dating your uncle's murderer. But Alex isn't normal, he's far from it. Nothing in his life has ever been normal. The only thing in his life that is normal is Jack, his friends and Sabina. And he is slowly pushing away all of them. The life he's living makes him isolated, alone. Mostly because it feels like he has nothing in common with any of his close ones. They haven't experienced what he has, and they probably never will. But Yassen has, he understands, even though they never talk about it. They both understand anyway.

Sabina is very smiley when he sees her, like she always is. She hugs him tightly, a feeling of _not being able to let go _in her grip around him. Alex is kind and smiles back and acts like everything is okay. She tells him about Florida and what a great time she's having there. She doesn't miss England, but she does miss him. And Alex tells her he misses her too, which is partly true. He misses the old days when things were much easier, when he hadn't seen as much as he has now.

He remembers his vacation in France with Sabina and her family. But sadly that also makes him remember Yassen and what he had tried to do to Sabina's father. Again the assassin had showed up. He was always there whenever Alex thought he was safe away from him. They live in a big world, but somehow they just always manage to run into each other.

"Are you still working for them?" Sabina wonders, not saying who he's working for out loud partly because she's afraid someone will hear and also because she hates the MI6.

"Yes", Alex says and is very happy if they don't go into any specifics. He hopes she'll get it, understand that he doesn't want to talk about it.

Sabina doesn't even know about Yassen, doesn't know he's still alive. Alex hasn't told her. He hasn't told anyone. He hasn't planned on doing it either. It's better if Sabina thinks Yassen died on that plane three years ago. He trusts her with a lot, but not this. He and Yassen are to be kept secret.

"God, I hate them for using you like this. I wish to tell the Prime Minister or something", she says and swings her long brown hair over her shoulder.

It doesn't matter. The Prime Minister already knows and he hasn't stopped it yet. There's no way to stop it.  
>Sabina goes on and on about how she is reading law now at a university in Florida, and she promises Alex that when she's ready she'll help him make MI6 pay. She obviously doesn't get it, doesn't get this world, doesn't get how this works. But Alex loves her, he really does, for wanting to help him.<p>

A shudder runs along Alex's spine and he knows something is wrong. He doesn't know what, but he has learned to trust that feeling, trust that instinct. Someone is watching them. He's sure of it. He doesn't know in how much of a danger they are right now. Maybe he's just being watched. No one would cause a seen inside a coffee shop in the middle of London. He discreetly looks around himself, but doesn't notice anything out of the ordinary. There are a few others in the café. Some other teenagers and an old couple. Whoever is watching him isn't inside.

"You're very quiet, Alex. Is something wrong?" Sabina asks and snaps his attention back to her.

Should he tell her that he thinks they are being watched right now and it's best if they leave?

"No", he lies and smiles, "But I just remembered I have homework for tomorrow. I really need to do it. I'm sorry, but I have to go. I'll call you later."

The worst lie he has ever told, but it's better this way. It's safer for Sabina if they split up, they shouldn't be seen together.

* * *

><p>Alex expects the worst. He expects Scorpia to storm his house and start shooting wildly, not caring who they hit only they hit him. He convinces Jack to go and meet her boyfriend. She asks him why, and he lies. He tells her Sabina is coming over and they want an evening alone. Jack believes him. Why shouldn't she?<p>

He still isn't entirely sure if he had been watched. Maybe he was just tired and had imagined the whole thing. He doesn't contact the MI6 because he thinks it's unnecessary. They shouldn't send someone out if he had only imagined the whole thing.

It hasn't stopped raining. Alex tries to watch TV while listening intently if someone's coming for him. It's dark outside, but the raindrops can still be seen on the windows. They reflect in the light coming from the street lamp. It's a bit dark inside, he hasn't bothered to turn any lamps on. He thinks of it as safer.

Alex watch some TV for a few hours, then decides to go to bed instead. He gets up from the sofa and turns to the hall only to be met with a figure standing there in the darkness. Alex almost panics, but then he recognizes the figure. Yassen.

"You really need to learn how to use a doorbell, or knock", he says and turns a lamp on.

Yassen is wet and his eyes are harder than they use to be. Alex wonders if he's angry about something.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asks, slightly annoyed and angry, because after four months Yassen is just standing there not saying anything.

"What? You don't want me here?" Yassen asks, his tone sharp. His blue eyes are calculating, ruthless.

"I haven't heard from you in four months. Nothing. I thought you were dead", Alex shoots back just as sharply.

"I was doing a job", Yassen says curtly, stating that as his only reason.

And maybe that should be his only reason because Alex should know by now that it's really hard to get in contact with someone during a mission. But Alex doesn't care. Four months.

"And you were completely unable to pick up a phone or send me a message telling me you weren't dead? Four months, Yassen."

"You know it's not that simple-"

"Yeah, whatever", Alex says and shakes his head, looking away from the Russian.

He gets into the kitchen instead, deciding to have something to drink, and the assassin follows him.

"It seems like you've been in good company anyway", Yassen says and Alex frowns, pouring himself a glass of juice.

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw you with that Pleasure girl. Are you two seeing each other again?"

Jealousy, is the first thought Alex thinks. Jealousy can actually be heard in Yassen's voice. Then he realizes something else.

"You were the one watching me earlier today at the coffee shop?" he asks, but Yassen doesn't say anything. Alex takes it as a yes.

"Of course it was you", he mumbles and put the box of juice back in the fridge.

"You didn't answer my question."  
>Alex glares at him for long, not understanding why he's being so childish. "No, we're not seeing each other again. She was just visiting and we went for coffee."<p>

He can see a small tension escaping Yassen's body and knows he's relieved.

"I'm sorry", the assassin says after a moment of silence.

Alex pretends he didn't hear and drinks from his glass of juice. Sure, this is pretty much the first time Yassen tells him he's sorry, but it won't make everything okay. He hovers over the glass of juice now standing on the table. He doesn't look at Yassen, but he can feel his gaze on him. The dinner table is separating them from each other. It gives Alex time to think.

"I talked to Zeljko. You do know there's a price on your head, right?" Yassen says suddenly, changing the topic.

Alex buries his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and looks up at Yassen. "Isn't there always?" he wonders, voicing the bitter truth.

"Shouldn't an agent be watching you?"

"I don't want it."

"Don't underestimate Scorpia, Alex", Yassen says and takes a few steps closer to the table, closer to him, "I've heard they've been in talks to let the Gentleman kill you."

"And yet somehow I just can't seem to care", Alex says and shrugs. He's been through this before and he just doesn't care anymore. It's the same thing over and over, and it never stops.

"Don't say that. You're still young, you can do whatever-"

"Don't give me that speech again that I can still do whatever I want. I can't change these past four years, it will never go away. I will always carry it with me, it will always haunt me, and it will always control me and my life. This is my life and I can't change it. It won't be normal again, I will never get a normal life. Isn't the fact that I'm with you proving I'm right?"

Alex never lets this much out, he never tells Yassen exactly how he feels. But this is a tender moment, and Alex can't help himself.

"You mean your life will never be normal as long as you're with me?" Yassen asks.

"No, that's just a part of it. I- Never mind, that's not what I meant", Alex says because he can't explain his life is so crazy it doesn't matter if Yassen's a part of it. He can't explain that he would kill for a normal life, that it's everything he wants, but he knows he'll never get it.

"Where's your housekeeper?" Yassen asks obviously understanding Alex won't tell him much more. Alex notes Yassen doesn't use her name. Too personal perhaps.

"She's staying with her boyfriend for the night", Alex says and knows what the assassin wants to say next. He wants to say it, but he probably won't. Alex will say no if he does. Because Alex doesn't want him to stay for the night. He really doesn't want Yassen to sleep in Ian Rider's house.

The table is still between them, keeping Alex safe from Yassen. He wonders if he'll be able to pass Yassen or if he'll take the opportunity and trap him.  
>Alex doesn't get much time to think about it since Yassen gets round the table quickly, pushes him and makes Alex settle on the dinner table. He doesn't like it at all. Sure, they have missed each other and all that and it has been long, but Alex can't. He knows Yassen wants to, can read it in his body language. The only time Yassen can be read.<p>

Alex sighs and keeps his head low, hanging. Yassen backs away a few steps, giving Alex the space he seems to need. The Russian stands within an arm's reach. The teenager only needs time to make up his mind. After a minute he has decided and pulls Yassen in. Yassen waits, hovers and Alex gets annoyed by the teasing.

"Don't", he warns and Yassen's lips meet his.

That's all they get to before someone calls Alex' name. They pull away and Alex curses under his breath, thinking it's Jack. But it isn't Jack, it isn't her voice.  
>Alex accidentally knocks the glass of juice over emptying it all over the table.<p>

"Alex?" she asks and it's Sabina's voice, "I came to surpri-"

The blonde teenager turns his head to the hall, knowing already what he'll see there. Sabina is standing there looking like a deer in headlights. Yassen stands a few metres away from him, trying to keep a safe distance, but this already looks shady. Alex gets down from the table, unable to say anything, unable to explain.

"What's going on?" Sabina asks, her face a bit pale.

It's not strange. Before her is a man she thought dead, a man who tried to kill her father, a man who kidnapped her once, a man she knows as evil.

"You're dead", she states and stares at Yassen.

"Sabina...", Alex says and tries to get closer.

"Alex, what's going on? Are you alright?" she asks and seems a bit protective.

"Yes, I'm alright. I'm fine", Alex says and tries to sound convincing.

Sabina looks at the juice on the table and then between the two men. Then she turns and runs out of there.

"Sabina!" Alex shouts, but he knows it's futile to run after her.

"You should probably leave before the police gets here", he says with his back to Yassen.

He's a bit relieved Yassen has to leave, it's better that way. He turns and looks at Yassen and he nods. He gives Alex a quick kiss before disappearing.

* * *

><p>Alex spends hours trying to explain to Sabina why he lied to the police about Yassen, why he's protecting him. It ends with him telling her the truth. She ends up staring at him expressionlessly and Alex knows that's bad. She tells him she can't believe how much he has changed, that the Alex she knew would never be with a man like Yassen. And she's right of course. But the Alex she knew is long lost. She warns him that he'll get himself killed if he stays with Yassen, another thing Alex knows is true. It's unavoidable. Either Yassen dies or he dies. He already knows this is how it'll happen. This is how it'll end.<p>

She leaves him with disappointment in her eyes, going back to Florida to probably never be seen again. A few hours after that he gets a call from MI6 telling him they need him for a new mission. Alex leaves quickly with only a note quickly explaining to Jack.

They send him to Paris and Alex should have known he was being followed. The door to his hotel room gets kicked in and Alex thinks his time has come, but the assassin sent for him gets shot in the head before even aiming at Alex. Yassen gets in, closing the door and ordering Alex to grab his things. They need to leave quickly.

The Russian wipes all evidence, all prints and they hurry discreetly to another hotel in another part of Paris. Alex isn't far from freaking out when they get there. He can't do this. They can't do this. They can't stay together. Yassen can't be here right now.

"It's okay", Yassen says and tries to be comforting. He believes Alex is freaked out by his near death, but that isn't it. He's been close to death a lot of times before. It's a work habit.

He can't believe Yassen rescued him. It isn't supposed to be like that, it can't be like that. The assassin does not rescue the spy.  
>Yassen dumps Alex's stuff on a nearby chair and waits for the teenager to calm down. Alex won't calm down. Yassen isn't supposed to be here, he can't be here. If the MI6 finds out, Alex will be screwed. They'll both be screwed.<p>

"Calm down-", Yassen says and tries to put an arm on Alex's shoulder, but Alex quickly slaps it away. He glares at Yassen and goes over to his bag to see if he has got everything he needed.

"Why are you here?" he wonders and searches for his phone.

"Looking for this?" Yassen asks and Alex turns around to see the phone in his hand. Second time now.

The young spy snatches it from his grip and hides it in his bag. "Did you copy any numbers?"

"No", the Russian answers. Alex doesn't believe him.

He takes his bag and goes for the door, but Yassen steps in the way.

"Where are you going?" he asks and he sounds almost vulnerable.

"Away from here", Alex says and shrugs.

Perhaps he should be grateful. The man just saved his life. He should definitely be grateful, but he isn't.

"You didn't answer me. Why are you here?" Alex demands to know.

He stares Yassen straight in the eye, he won't break the contact. He wants to know, Yassen won't escape this question.

"I've been employed by Valmont", Yassen says and neither he breaks the eye contact.

Valmont. The man Alex is sent here to spy on. The MI6 thinks Valmont is planning to nuclear bomb UK because of some stupid hate he has towards the country. Always the same story. This is enough reason for Alex to storm out of the hotel room. He pushes past Yassen, his shoulder bumping the assassin's harshly on the way. He gets out of the room and out to the corridor. He feels immediately relieved. But Yassen won't let him go that easily.

"Alex, wait", he says and grips his wrist before he can get too far.

"No. You being here is reason enough to contact MI6. You should be glad I'm not. Yet."

Alex tries to get his arm loose, but Yassen won't let him. He continues to struggle against his grip and it ends with Yassen pushing him up against the closest wall. He captures Alex there, in the middle of the hotel corridor, not caring who's looking.

"Let me go", Alex says and tries to have as steady voice as possible. He tries to make Yassen feel like he's still got some control over the situation, which he doesn't.

He feels the tight muscle of Yassen's chest press against his and feels only slightly intimidated by being so close to a professional killer. Alex stares out into nothingness. Earlier he wanted to keep the eye contact with Yassen, doing it as a sign of control, but right now he doesn't want to look at him. He's furious.

"Would you have liked it better if I wasn't here?" Yassen speaks directly into Alex' ear.

The teenager pretends he barely listens, but really, Yassen's words are more real and more sharp than anything he's ever heard before. The older man holds his arms in a vice grip, almost making Alex' arms bruise. Alex stares down the corridor and notices a cleaning lady coming their way, but stopping when she sees them. He can call out for her, scream and beg her for help, but his mouth remains tightly shut. Words are unable to come out.

"Would you have liked it better if I hadn't followed you? You'd be dead now, you realize that, don't you?" Yassen continues.

Alex wonders if Yassen has sensed the pair of eyes on them yet. They shouldn't draw too much attention to themselves. He looks at Yassen, gives him a dark look filled with determination. He won't thank Yassen.

"Let me go and I'll go back into the room with you", he promises.

The Russian seems to hesitate for a moment, not really trusting him, but eventually he lets him go and Alex stomps back into the hotel room without a single glance at Yassen.

* * *

><p>They have shared bed before and they have done <em>this <em>before. Yassen has definitely kissed Alex before and he has definitely fucked him before. But it still feels foreign somehow. Perhaps it's because of the long time it has been since Yassen last fucked him. They don't get much time for it. They mostly bump into each other on missions and they never get the time then and other times Yassen visits Alex in his home and Alex definitely won't let Yassen fuck him there.

It starts with no words. Alex sends the assassin some nonchalant look and then he suddenly finds himself hauled up on his feet and kissed vigorously by the older man. Yassen has tried to pursue him many times during the past months and Alex has always shut him down. He has been waiting patiently for this moment and what other choice does Alex have than to let him have it?

The way Yassen's tongue massages against his makes his knees buckle and he has to hold on to Yassen to not fall apart. Yassen seems to notice and grins into the kiss. Alex doesn't like that. He finds some strength to push the older and stronger murderer onto the bed. And never once does he think about the fact that it's a coldblooded murderer he'll jump into bed with, no not at all. It's not like that's what's he's been beating himself up for all this time.

He climbs onto Yassen, straddles him, and starts unbuttoning his shirt with quick hands. He doesn't want to wait much longer, it'll eat him up if they do. The Russian grips his hands and stills them. Alex gives him an annoyed look and Yassen pulls him down for another kiss. He lets go of Alex's hands and buries them in his blonde locks instead, giving Alex allowance to continue unbuttoning his shirt. They pull apart long enough for Yassen to shrug his shirt off and then he sits up, gripping Alex's head to force their lips together again. Alex is straddling his thighs now, sitting so close he can feel Yassen's erection through his pants. It makes him gasp into the kiss and he himself grows harder.

Hands starts pulling at his t-shirt and they separate so they can pull it over his head. Alex likes this position, on top of Yassen, it makes him feel in charge, it makes his head clear. But neither of them is out after keeping his head clear so therefore Yassen flips them over so he's on top in between Alex's legs.

The teenager loses all his air for a few seconds, everything happens so fast. Yassen pulls at his jeans and starts unbuckling his own belt. He places a hard kiss on Alex lips before pulling his own pants down along with his underwear. Alex grips at his shoulders, his mind a daze. Then Yassen gives his neck a long lick with a nibble under his ear at the end and he snaps out of it.  
>Alex glances down at Yassen's very muscular body. He admires the shape of it and the gracious movements. Yassen bits into his neck a bit too harshly making Alex yelp in surprise. He hisses and touches the spot where Yassen had bitten. It will definitely leave a mark.<p>

The Russian pulls back slightly giving Alex an even better view of his body. A body of a God.

"Turn over", he instructs and Alex silently does as he's told.

He stands on all four, feeling vulnerable in this position, and Yassen yanks his jeans and boxers the rest of the way down. He hears the older man spit in his hand and then his bumcheeks are spread and he can feel a wet finger circling his hole. It makes his body quiver and the arms he's resting against ache.  
>Yassen circles it slowly, almost evilly and Alex isn't far from screaming at him to just go on with it, to fuck him already. He wants it out of his system. Then the finger slips inside and he tries very hard not to mind the pain. The finger sinks all the way in, slips all the way out, and then back in again. The finger twists and curls, making Alex's insides both hurt and feel pleasure.<p>

A second finger is added, this time scissoring him open so a third one can be slipped in. The three fingers goes in and out of him, fucking him open. Alex' own fingers twists into the sheets as he moans loudly by the feeling. He starts pushing against the fingers and that's when Yassen stops fingerfucking him. Yassen shifts slightly behind him, positioning himself and giving Alex a short time to breathe. Then he feels Yassen's cock against his hole and he slowly pushes all the way in. Alex actually screams out by the feeling. Yassen's cock isn't the size of three fingers, it's bigger than that, and it stretches him greatly. The assassin pushes until Alex can feel his balls against his arse.

Yassen is thick, hot and heavy inside of him and tears of pleasure escapes Alex's eyes as he starts moving. He opens his mouth to say something, to scream something, but nothing comes out. One of his hands grips onto the headboard as the other disappears under a pillow, holding onto the mattress underneath for dear life. Yassen groans behind him as he keeps up a steady pace. His hands are holding onto Alex's hips so hard he'll probably get some marks there too. Alex meets his thrusts as well as he can manage. He moans as well as Yassen groans. The sounds coming from Yassen is hypnotizing, they feel inhuman. He leans down, mouth inches from Alex's ear and puts his hand over Alex's on the headboard.

"Do you love me?" Yassen asks and Alex's breath hitches because the angle Yassen's in right now hits his spot perfectly. The man pulls out and pushes in, making Alex whine and the arm he steadies himself on buckle. He collapses face first into the pillow, but finds some force to get himself back up again.

"Do you love me?" Yassen asks again huskily into his ear, his breath gracing Alex's neck hotly.

He thrusts into him again and Alex's arm shakes so much he thinks it'll dislocate. He feels so weak like this and he hates it. He wants Yassen to thrust into him a few more times so he can come and this'll all be over with. Yassen does push into him a few more times and it sends Alex coming heavy, accidentally clamping around Yassen making him come only a few seconds after too. He empties his fluids into Alex, then slowly lets go of Alex's hand on the headboard. Alex crawls away from him to one side of the bed, completely exhausted. He can feel some come trickle out from his hole on the way, but he's too tired to care. He collapses and he can feel Yassen lie down next to him.

He's starting to drift off to sleep when he remembers Yassen's question.

"Yes, I love you", he says quietly and doesn't care if the assassin's still awake to hear it or not. At least he has finally said it.

* * *

><p>Alex wakes up before Yassen does. Strangely enough he doesn't see this as his chance to leave without Yassen stopping him. He's probably too tired.<br>He goes to the bathroom and pees. After he stares at himself in the mirror. He looks like shit. And after thinking about it he realizes he also feels like shit. He's got bruises on his neck and it looks more like he's been strangled than given hickeys. His blonde hair is messy and greasy, and his body aches all over. It feels like someone has tried to chop of his arm. He washes his hands and splashes some water in his face. Then he stares at himself in the mirror again.

He's too young for this. All of it. Yassen, MI6, everything. He's too young to be an orphan, he's too young to have seen people die, he's too young to be the cause of some peoples death. He shouldn't even be here. He dries his face and then goes back out to the bed.

"I thought you would try to leave", Yassen's voice says and Alex frowns because he could have sworn Yassen had just been asleep when he looked at him. But now he's awake, eyes open just like that. He has seen him do that before, one of those times actually being in France too. Alex doesn't answer. Yassen shouldn't tempt him like that.

It takes an hour of silence in the bed before Yassen spills his plan. Alex wonders while he tells him how long he's been planning on this.  
>He wants them to escape together. To try and live where MI6 can't find them, where Scorpia and everyone else after them can't find them. Yassen has already fixed fake passports for them and the only thing he needs is Alex to say yes.<p>

Alex can't sat anything. Yassen wants him to pretty much elope with him and spend the rest of his life hiding together with him somewhere. It sounds ridiculous and it sounds impossible. But Alex guesses Yassen really is the right man for the job if you want to disappear. He doesn't doubt he can keep them hidden. But to leave everything, school, friends, Jack, behind to be with him forever. Can he do that?

Yassen doesn't press, but he does look, and it makes Alex nervous. He can't leave the one thing he calls family behind for Yassen, can he? Not if he was normal. But now it seems like he isn't. He would escape the MI6, get away from them. He could be happy. He can try, he can always leave if it doesn't work. He doesn't really want to give Yassen the satisfaction of him saying yes, but he ends up doing it anyway. Yassen actually smiles for a moment, but doesn't comment on it. Alex is already sure this won't work out. It can't work out. Two people like them are not meant for each other. But he guesses he'll have to see.

* * *

><p>Alex sits in the sun, his eyes being hidden by a pair of sunglasses in the brand Rayban. He feels tired and jetlaged. He has spent the whole night traveling from Moscow to New York.<br>For the past three months, since he and Yassen decided to elope, they had been to India, Russia and now New York. It was Alex wish to go to New York, Yassen hadn't commented on it much.

Alex stares bored into the menu in front of him. It doesn't really matter anyway. Yassen will order something for him without asking him and usually he always order the right thing. Alex was surprised by it at first, but then he started to get used to it.

They don't speak much. Words are not usually that necessary for them, they understand anyway. And Alex would lie if he said he felt like talking to Yassen. The last month has been tearing at them. Moving from place to place like this is exhausting. And Alex is always reminded, somewhere deep inside of him, that he shouldn't be doing this, that this is insane. He has been on his way to leave a lot of times. He had actually taken a taxi to the airport once, ready to go back home, but in the last minute he changed his mind. It was to no surprise then he realized Yassen had followed him. Yassen is always one step ahead, he always knows exactly what Alex is thinking. Perhaps it's in his work to be able to get into people's heads, be able to read them and understand them. Alex doesn't like it. Yassen is mostly such a puzzle to him and here he is like an open book.

Yassen orders their food, without asking Alex what he wants. Alex rests his head in his hand, feeling like he's about to fall asleep any time now. The Russian nudges his leg lightly to keep him awake and Alex sends him an annoyed glare through the sunglasses.

The sun is still hot even though they have a window separating them from the direct sunlight. He studies the other people inside the restaurant. A family with two kids, two fat lovers, an old couple, three teenagers, and what seems to be a husband and his wife, or maybe two business partners on lunch. Alex wonders briefly what people think they are, him and Yassen. A father and his son? Two friends? Two brothers? Or maybe they can see immediately they're lovers?

They sure make an odd couple. The seventeen-year-old and the thirty-eight-year-old. Though Yassen does look younger than thirty-eight. Maybe they're not so odd after all? They have been described as similar, almost equals. They know more about each other than any others do. Yassen knows more about John Rider than Alex does. They never talk about it though. They never talk about the past and what happened then. They stay out of it, even though Alex has plenty of questions about how his father was. If only his father can see them right now. Alex can't even imagine what he would think of them. His protegé and his son. Isn't that just typical to fall for your bosses or mentor's child? It sound like a typical love story except this isn't a typical love story.

Alex thinks back on two night ago in Moscow with him and Yassen once again in bed together. What they did in Paris had only been sex. This had been love. This had been Alex with his legs hanging around Yassen's hips, begging for more. Alex hates the way it makes him feel.

They receive their drinks by a cute waitress.

"Here you go, Mr. Gregorovich", she says and smiles.

Alex doesn't acknowledge it at first, but then he realizes something is really wrong. Yassen is up before he is and pulls his gun out. A lot of questions flashes in Alex's head. Is it Scorpia or MI6? Or perhaps someone else? He doesn't have to think very long about it because suddenly agents storm into the restaurant screaming FBI and demanding them not to move. The whole restaurant stops and stares at them.

Yassen moves quickly, pulls the closest woman out of her seat and points is gun at her.

"Let us go and I won't kill her", he says with clear voice. Alex shivers. He holds his head low and hates the attention they've gotten. He hopes to God Yassen won't hurt the woman.

They start to back out of there, the FBI watches their every step. They reach a door and gets out of there. Outside Yassen releases the woman who collapses on the ground crying.

"We have to split up", Yassen says.

"What? Why?"

"So they won't catch us. You have your phone and I'll call you as quickly as I can", Yassen promises and then starts running down the street.

Alex glances at the woman before he too starts running, but towards the other direction. It doesn't take long before he hears the agents scream behind him to stop. Alex can feel the gun Yassen gave him a few months back rest heavily inside his jacket. It begs him to be used, but Alex isn't that stupid.  
>He runs down the street and into an alley. Maybe he can hide in the dark somehow. He hears the agents again and continues running. He rounds a corner, but finds it a dead end.<p>

He's trapped.

That's when he pulls his gun out. He doesn't even know why. He's on the good guys side, he shouldn't aim at federal agents.

"Don't do it!" a female agent screams, "It's not worth going to jail for!"

Alex suggests the thought, but no, he isn't stupid enough to kill someone who fights for justice. Though this is all messing with his mind and they don't get that. Nobody gets what he's been through. He points the gun to his own head and the agents stop aiming at him.

"Don't do it, kid", an older man says.

That sure would have been something, but as it is, he does value his own life. But it sure would have been easy to do it, relieving almost. To get rid of everything, to stop this. He's been through more things than these agents ever will. He has been faced with death so many times ha can almost laugh about it. They don't even get it. They think they're doing a difference when really the world is still filled with evil creeps. There's no way to stop criminality. And Alex always is the one cleaning their messes up. But these people don't know that. No one knows. He has got a mark on his head, Scorpia is after him, but most of the people here doesn't even know what Scorpia is. They don't understand.

He lowers his gun though and looks forward to smile Alan Blunt in the face. For three months he couldn't find him. For three months he was as close to freedom as he'll ever be.  
>The agents get closer but before they can cuff him he drops his phone on the ground and destroys it. At least they can't track Yassen now.<p>

* * *

><p>FBI sends him home to England. Alex guesses their orders were pretty stern. He hadn't been interrogated once. But he knows Blunt won't let him slip. Alex wants to laugh Crawley in the face when he places him in an interrogation room. They tell him they only want to brief him, to ask a few questions. A lie.<p>

"What happened in Paris?" John Crawley asks.

"Nothing happened in Paris", Alex states. They already know what happened in Paris. This is a waste of time. They only want everything confirmed, they only want to pry deeper on why Alex did it.

"You know it did. We found a dead man in your hotel room. Shot in the dead. Who was that?"

"An assassin sent to kill me", Alex shrugs, "Probably Scorpia."

"You killed him?"

"I'm not allowed to have a gun", Alex reminds him.

Crawley looks a bit thoughtful and changes in his seat. He leans a bit closer.

"But a MP -443 Grach was found on you when you got arrested", Crawley says like they're sharing a secret. Alex gives him a dark look. He's trying to play with his mind.

"I didn't kill the man", Alex states clearly.

"Then who did?" Crawley pushes.

Alex thinks it would be better if he didn't tell the truth. They don't have to know everything. But perhaps they'll pin the murder on him anyway if he doesn't tell them what happened. He makes up his mind.

"Yassen Gregorovich killed him", he says and it feels like he has betrayed some kind of trust.

"And do you know why?"

Alex glares at him. He doesn't have to tell him why, they already know why. It's pathetic of MI6 to pretend they don't know about them when they clearly do.

"Yes I know why and I'm pretty sure you also know why. I don't think I need to go into specifics."

It looks like Crawley will push the subject a little more, but then changes his mind.

"Fine. What happened after France?"

"I left with Yassen."

"And why did you? Did he force you?"

It sounds like Crawley is interrogating some rape victim, but he has already made up his mind not to believe whatever the victim says. Alex doesn't care what Crawley thinks of him. He may think Alex's betraying his country, he doesn't care. He doesn't know the truth.

"I left with him because I wanted to get away from this", Alex spits, reminding Crawley just how much they have affected him through the years.

Crawley ignores him and looks into his papers. Everything they need to know is probably already written in there, Alex wouldn't be surprised.

"You destroyed a cell phone when you were found. What was on it?"

"Nothing. I accidentally dropped it and then I accidentally stepped on it", he says though his voice clearly tells it was the opposite.

"We're scanning the chip. We'll probably find whatever you tried to hide."

Crawley collects his papers and it seems like it's the end of the interrogation.

"What will happen to me?" Alex asks as the man gets up fro his seat.

"Take some time off. Come back when you're ready."

After all this and they still won't let him go? Is he really that good or are they really that afraid he'll leak the truth about these past years?

"Why?" Alex asks and frowns.

Crawley clears his voice and seems a bit uneasy. "Mr. Blunt thinks that love in your age makes you blinded. He knows what you did was a mistake."

"And what do you think?"

Crawley looks around, like he's afraid someone will hear what he's about to say next.

"I think a man like Yassen Gregorovich can't be loved."

The older man leaves before Alex has time to ask him what he meant by that. Alex is escorted out of there, but has to wait until he can leave. There's still some paper work to be dealt with. He sits on a chair outside Mrs. Jones' office and waits for her to send him in. He partly believes there isn't some paper work, she only wants to talk to him. Sometimes she actually does show she cares.

He sits there and waits and a few men passes by where one he recognizes as Ben Daniel.

"Alex", he greets. The tone in his voice makes it clear to Alex he knows.

The look in his eyes says he doesn't like it. Alex only nods in response. He doesn't care what he thinks either. Everything has been hush hush for so long, isn't it about time people start to acknowledge him and Yassen and stop pretending it isn't true.  
>But Ben stays behind, tells the men he'll catch up with them. There's a coffee machine next to Alex. Ben gets over to it and pours some coffee for himself.<p>

"Why did you do it?" he asks and Alex guesses his plan to ignore Ben will fail.

"Because I don't want this anymore", he says with low voice. He feels a bit ashamed, he has let some people he cares about down.

"He's a murderer, Alex. Why would you...?"

Ben's words run out. He has just asked the question what Alex has been wondering this whole time. He hasn't found a real answer to it, not until now.

"Because he gets it", he mumbles, but Ben hears it anyway.

He leaves only a moment after.

* * *

><p>Mrs. Jones asks the same questions as Crawley, only she asks them in a gentler tone. She's more sensitive about it all. It doesn't make anything different. She promises him both she and Blunt understand and they don't judge him. They're just happy no one got hurt. It wasn't after all he who had taken one hostage.<br>Alex thinks that maybe this is just some conspiracy they've come up with, that he should stay with Yassen so they can get information. It doesn't work that way and never will. Alex doesn't want to know about the Russian's work.

He feels a bubble of anxiety in his stomach as he steps foot in his home. He can feel Jack is home and he's afraid to face her. Three months and a note. Nothing else. She meets him in the hall and he wonders if she's been in contact with Mrs. Jones. Her eyes tells him that she has. She hugs him, but her eyes are unforgiving.

"I thought you were dead", she says.

Alex doesn't know what to answer to that. There's nothing he can say to make it better. He admits what he did was wrong, he should have told her.

"I thought you were dead", she repeats, "Three months, Alex. You don't call once. And this stupid note you left. I got worried and called Mrs. Jones and she said you had disappeared from your mission. I thought you were dead."

He feels horrible. He should have contacted her, at least to tell her he was okay. He wonders how much she knows, if Mrs. Jones has told her everything. Again he only has to look her in the eyes to realize she has. Jack knows about Yassen and him. And Alex really doesn't want to talk to her about that, he doesn't want to explain. But he knows she'll ask anyway.

"I know, Alex. I know about him. I know who he is and everything he has done. Why Alex? Why would you possibly want to be with him?"

It feels too much and Alex remembers the reason he had given Ben earlier.

"_Because he gets it."_

Tears fall down Jack's face and Alex notices the dark rings under her eyes. She hasn't been sleeping well.

"I should have stopped this a long time ago. I shouldn't have let you go on these stupid missions. A child isn't supposed to go through this. All these horrible things. You shouldn't have to live with it. I should've fought for you. This is destroying you. This life is changing you and I'm so sorry for it. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm so sorry", she says and Alex hugs her.

He hugs he tightly and tries to comfort her.

"It's not your fault", he says.

"I should have takes better care of you", she cries.

Alex tries to find any comforting words, but none are good enough. He tries to blame himself, but it only makes her cry louder. They stand together for hours as she cries, and Alex has to fight back his own tears during the whole time.

* * *

><p>"Do you love him?" Jack asks.<p>

Alex really doesn't want to answer that, but he has agreed to tell her everything she wants to know. He told her about how long he has been with Yassen, how they meet up on missions, how he sometimes come to the house when she isn't there. He told her about France, about India and Moscow, then finally about New York.

"Yes", he confesses.

"But why?" she immediately asks, "He killed Ian, Alex. And a lot of other people."

And they're back to that again. Alex can't explain it. He can't explain that no one else get his life, his world, but somehow Yassen does. He just gets it. He just understands. He tries telling her that, but she still doesn't seem to fully understand. And Alex can't go into specifics about how he's been torturing himself that he's seeing his uncle's killer. He's pretty sure Jack can see it on him anyway. Now she knows anyway. She knows everything. It feels strange because it's been such a long time since Alex told her everything about his missions and whatnot. No secrets, for now. But it isn't like he's told her every conversation he's had with Yassen, or gone into any kind of specifics like that. It hurts to talk about it. It makes Alex a bit nauseous.

He plans on resting for a while now, take things as they come. He hasn't heard from Yassen and maybe that's a good thing. They need to be separated for a while. Too much time together keeps Alex on the verge to explode. They need a break, Alex needs to breathe. Yassen is always there and it's suffocating. Alex knows, _knows, _and feels how much Yassen loves him and it feels like a weight on him. It's heavy and he can't carry it for long. He needs to rest.

And he gets to rest, for almost a month until he gets the news that the Prime Minister is dead, has been murdered in his own home. Alex is sent out to do some research about it, nothing big. Apparently the Prime Minister had a big enemy somewhere and MI6 have their suspicions on who it may be. He is sent to a building in London to look for some papers, or files, that can indicate this business man, the Prime Minister's so called enemy, would have hired someone to kill him. MI6 doesn't want the man to know they're on to him.

The building is filled with guards, but Alex can easily get inside with the help of the vent. This is routine, he'll only take a peek on some papers. This isn't dangerous. He drops into the man's office and starts searching through his desk. He can't find anything of value and his eyes land on a safe-deposit box. It's locked, but Alex has some tube with hot liquid Smithers has made with him and squirts it into the lock. It opens.

Alex gets down on his knees and starts to look through the files. He opens one file and finds a picture of a man with blonde hair and blue eyes. At the same time he can feel the barrel to his head. He shouldn't have turned his back to the door, he knows better than that.

"You shouldn't have come here", the man on the picture speaks to him.

How can he be so stupid? Of course it was Yassen who had done it. It had him written all over it. Only Yassen is good enough for a job like that. It's been a month since he last saw him and right now he isn't even looking at him, only the picture in front of him. Yassen is behind him, the gun pressing into his head.

"So this is how this ends? You kill me?" he asks, voice filled with venom and hatred.

Has he really been trusting Yassen this much only to be betrayed by him immediately after a job? The gun presses harder, and Alex can tell a silencer is on it. He'll be shot and nobody will hear. They'll get rid of the body and no one will ever know what happened to him.

"You shouldn't have picked the phone up when they called for you", Yassen says, like it's Alex's fault they're hear right now like this.

"You know there's nothing I can do to get out of it. I can't escape it", Alex grits out through his teeth.

He tries to turn around to look at Yassen, but the gun presses warningly into his head. He waits for it to happen, waits for the gun to go off. He really did believe Yassen loved him more than anything, love him more than himself. He was obviously wrong.

"Sure about this?" he asks, "Sure you want to kill me? End my life?"

"It shouldn't have ended like this", Yassen says and almost sound remorseful.

"But escape to the other side of the world wasn't good enough", Alex states.

He feels nauseous again. If there ever was an certain death, this was it. Alex can't escape this. There's no way.

"I thought you loved me", Alex says and perhaps he sounds pathetic. But he doesn't care right now, he wants answers.

Again he feels weak on the floor, like submitting, out of control once again. Why can't he ever have full control when he's with Yassen?

"I do", Yassen mumbles and Alex feels Yassen's fingers touch his hair, burying them. Alex enjoys the feeling shortly before pulling away. He doesn't want Yassen's hands on him.

"Do it, then. Kill me", Alex says and closes his eyes. He shuts them tightly and waits for it to happen.

But nothing happens. He slowly opens his eyes and turns around.  
>Yassen is gone.<p>

* * *

><p>Alex stands on Heathrow. For once he is certain, for once he knows, for once he has control. It's in the middle of the day and the airport is filled with people. They run to catch their planes, or arrive to slowly make their way to wherever they're supposed to be.<p>

It's a nice day with nice weather. No one knows he's here, he hasn't been here for long either. He feels safe, content. His head is clear and he knows what he's going to do. He melts in among the people somehow and tries to lie low. That's when he sees the person he's been waiting for. Yassen doesn't notice him at first, but he steps out into his vision and he seems surprised.

They stand there and look at each other, a few metres apart. Yassen is definitely surprised and Alex relishes in it. It isn't often it happens, he has to enjoy this. People passes by them, barely paying attention. They don't care about them because they don't know who they are. If they did know people would panic.  
>Alex feels calm, and he thinks it shows. Yassen stares at him with eyes of a ruthless killer, his face emotionless. Alex is a few steps away from death, but he isn't afraid.<p>

"You were going to kill me", Alex states. He doesn't really care who hears, they don't understand anyway.

"Yes, I was", Yassen says.

Never lies, at least Alex never gets lies from the assassin.

"Why didn't you?" Alex wants to know.

"You know why."

Yes, Alex does. He has known for some time now. Alex wants to scream at him though and never forgive him for this. Yassen takes a few steps closer and pulls him aside. Alex is furious even though he doesn't show it. This isn't the right place for it.

"I won't forgive you for it", Alex says.

"I know", Yassen nods.

Even though they both love each other, the fact that Yassen's an assassin and Alex a spy will always be there. It'll always be first. It'll always be the one thing that separates them.  
>Alex places his hands on Yassen's shoulders. He leans up and kisses him. Yesterday Yassen pointed a gun to his head, now Alex places his lips on his. His hands travel down and he holds onto the assassin's strong arms.<p>

He tilts his head and gets better access as Yassen opens his mouth for him. The Russian is letting him have control, he's letting Alex kiss him. Because Alex needs it or he'll explode, he'll collapse, and they won't ever see each other again. Alex tongue slips into Yassen's hot mouth and finds his tongue. The teenager kisses firmly, making the kiss last. For once he can almost match the way Yassen use to kiss him. He's had enough practice, enough time. He pulls away from Yassen and rests his forehead against his. He should scream at Yassen, should hit him, should tell him he never wants to see him again. After what he did, putting a gun to his head. Alex won't ever forget that.

"I love you", he says and frowns. It doesn't feel very right to say it, but now it's out.

Yassen strokes his neck, fingers that can snap it easily and he smiles slightly. "I love you too."

It has been building up to this and Alex wonders if this is the right time. He believes it is.

"I want to come with you", he says and pulls away from him.

"We've already tried that", Yassen reminds him, keeping an steady eye on him.

There's nothing that can say they'll make it this time, but they can always try.

"But we'll do it right this time. We'll stay away from the US and UK. We can do it", Alex says and tries to sound convincing.

Yassen smiles and it feels like Alex is missing something.

"No. Stay and finish school. We have plenty of time. We can leave on your graduation day. I'll come and pick you up", Yassen says and it sounds like he's partly joking.

"But I don't want to wait", Alex tries, but Yassen won't change his mind, "What are you going to do?"

"Lie low for a while. They'll be looking for me", he says and Alex doesn't have to ask to know who _they _are. Alex had told MI6 what he found. It's his job. He couldn't keep it from them for Yassen's sake, it wasn't right. Yassen knows this and understands.

"Besides. We'll see each other soon enough", Yassen says and leans in to plant a last hard kiss on Alex's lips.

He's right. They always bump into each other and he knows Yassen will visit him when things start to cool down. Yassen leaves him with that and Alex feels a bit sad about it. But perhaps it's for the better.

END


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